MaaBre

Be Strong Flat-Foots

I have always been a flat-footed girl. I can barely believe I’m admitting it now; I haven’t ever admitted it like this, not even in acting workshop when Miss Plaviowsly told us to “let everything out”. I know, I know, it’s shameful. I know how horrible it looks when I run down the street: that’s why I wear high-heels all the time. That way I never have to be seen to be the flat-footed, pavement-slapping woman that I am.

The worst thing about being flat-footed is when people shout “Run Forest, run!” at you. Like really shout it, so that the whole entire city can hear. Total strangers! They have no idea that in that one moment they are trampling all over my already dwindling confidence. That’s why I recently stopped doing anything more than a reasonably fast-paced walk, even when late to catch the bus.

Recently I saw a friend on my way to catch the bus. We could see the bus up ahead and so she started to run and scream at me to run too. That was when I said, “I can’t!”

“Why?” she yelled back, running all well and not at all flat-footed. The cow.

“Because I’m a flat footed leper!” I said. “Please don’t force me to!”

She laughed at me and came running back. “There there, I’m sure you’re exaggerating, we’ll run together, ok?”

Stupidly I agreed. We ran together, and after about three seconds she looked at me and burst in to fits of laughter. “My goodness, you are, aren’t you?!” she said.

Trust me flat-foots, don’t reveal your weakness. They’ll use it against you!