MaaBre

Wise Old Men

Someone once told me that if I couldn’t get someone to understand what I was saying, then it was my fault entirely. This led to a bit of an argument with the someone. I couldn’t see what he was on about. The more I thought about what he said, the more I thought I will never trust an apparently wise old man again. Wise old men, they’re not as wise as everyone makes out!

It took about five years for More

Go On, You Want To

You walk around a garden-centre and you see them crying out to be bought–The posh lawnmowers. Petrol-powered, all snazzy: the Fonzies (you remember Happy Days don’t you?) of the grass-cutting world. But hang on a minute, when did this happen? What became of the good old-fashioned mowers that we used to love and care for, the ones we could fix with our bare hands, the ones that gave so much more back?

They stopped being bought is what, obviously. people More

Bugged

Something has been bugging me. A lot. Here it is: it’s that saying “I’ll have a stab in the dark”. I hate it. Why I hate it is simple. It means nothing. I mean, I know what it’s supposed to mean, as in, I have no chance at all, but I may as well have a go, but it doesn’t make any sense! Honestly, would you feel safe stuck in the dark with someone stabbing about with a knife? Exactly. More

Rat Girl

I knew this day would come: the day when someone would push the ‘I hate rats’ thing one step too far. And that day was today–

First some history: I got my first rat when I was ten. She was called ‘Miranda Jessie’ (I am a girl and at the time would only consider having a girl rat, since at this age boys were twice as sinister as they are now—I am now 24). Miranda Jessie was one hell of More

Sex!

Of all the words in the English language that can be used in a number of confusing ways it’s Sex. Is it any wonder that the children of the world (and quite a number of adults too for that matter) find it so amusing? No three consecutive letters—apart from a man named Bob I once knew who was a bit of a megalomaniac—have ever been granted such power! So many meanings…so many conversational boxes ticked.

For example, just off More

Don’t Work Too Hard

If someone would have magically appeared from the future while I was sitting in my bedroom playing computer-games, and said “You will end up a workaholic. I had five minutes spare in my time-travelling duties and just felt compelled to tell you that,” I would have said, “OK–so aside from bending the rules of time and space and scaring the life out of me and being compelled–what are you doing in my room?”

The conversation would have probably ended abruptly More

Big and Bad Jonny

Greyhounds are fast. Extremely fast, in fact. This wasn’t concerned me when I was looking for a pet, oh no. In fact, I was pretty sure it was a good thing: I would take Big Jonny to the local field where all the other dogs played and unleash him there! My plan was to watch the other dogs cower in the wake of Big Jonny, which would, in turn, grant me the reputation of being ‘that man with the More

When Will Spring Be Sprung?

We are well into March now, the time of year when we should be looking forward to seeing the little lambs frolicking across the daisy strewn meadows, when flowers should be blooming along the roadsides and trees take on a beautiful new verdure. What has happened to our hopes of Spring? It seems as if we are stuck in an eternal bleak midwinter.

Whether you believe in global warming or not it seems inescapable that the climate in this country More

Frequent And Good

Questions. I was a questioner at school. There’s always one, isn’t there? That child at the back who refuses to believe anything is how it is and just keeps putting his hand up, infuriating the other children and driving the teacher round the bend. But here’s the thing, I want to know why Africa broke aways from wherever it broke away from—Geography was a bad lesson for questioning—and I want to know why Canadian Grizzly Bears are dense and furry, More